Monday, March 24, 2008

more catharsis

there were plenty of poignant moments on saturday for the recently discarded and so, not unnaturally, yesterday i slid into a bit of a melancholic slough.

young w went off to spend a couple of days with his dad so i had planned some restorative quilting. but i was too sad and heart-torn to play.

so 'catharsis' i thought and tore a 4 foot long strip (btw why don't we say 'four feet long??) of homespun, ironed some freezer paper to it and then set down all the words and phrases that characterised the late relationship. it was a love affair founded in words that foundered on words: we bonded over a love of poetry and word play and etymology and we built a small universe of phrases and love names and created words that would make sense to no other being. and yet we foundered on the gap, the unbreachable gap between words and action - what is possible, desirable, yearned for and what is on the plate in front of us.

as i wrote there were phrases that wove in and out of the months (i laid the cloth out and wrote in time sequence like a bayeux tapestry) i love you, i can't live without you, passion, desire, we must be together, caro, carissima: these were partnered inevitably by i miss you, hurt, humiliation, abandonment, alone, why. and the word trinities tolling like bells across the cloth: love love love, loss, loss, loss.

then this morning i cut the strip into squares thinking to make a nine patch - but i had miscounted and had eight, not nine, squares - the block could not be completed.

but cut into squares the words and phrases were still too legible - they still had life. so i sliced into them with my cutter and made triangles that each had a word or two but could not be put back together to make sense. only those who know the story can read it.

i fused the triangles onto fusible web and it awaits the next stage.

No comments: