thank you all for your lovely supportive comments here and on facebook - the middle of the night is a dire time but even if joy hasn't cometh in the morning, feeling better has :)
a number of things have happened lately that have prised off old scars and had a good poke at the rawness beneath. and in the general world outwardly innocuous and worthy events such as child protection week, mental health week and remembering your lost baby day have poured a measure of lemon juice and salt into the wounds.
luckily there are people in the real and cyber world who hold my hand and there are the other life rituals that hold us together. my baby turned six this week.
and being friday and no work, there is coffee and raisin toast and an anxiously attendant billthedogit's also pouring with rain - a good day to stay snug